Sunday, October 26, 2008

therapy

It's amazing how my mood can make a 180 change in just a couple of days.

I feel genuinely relieved right now. Trials r over, and this weekend i'm completely stress free.
Oh and it helps that Monday is a PH haha..

Did a lot of happy, feel good stuff... And my 2nd sis is back for the long weekend too.. It's always fun when she's back... She even brought back the DVD for season 4 of Grey's Anatomy.

Friday nite went to watch 'Soul's Code' with my sis and Gerard.. It's supposed to be a Thai horror movie, but it turned out to be like C.S.I kind of action movie. So so only. I don't recommend.

Saturday went shopping at 1U... Bought a reli cool pair of funky sandals.. Evening played tennis, but it was blooooooody hot... kinda torturing to play when ur skin is burning... The weather is crazy... either raining or extremely hot...
At night went to Bukit Tinggi for dinner coz my dad wanted to go to our apartment there to check some stuff... It was nice to get out of the city & enjoy some fresh air. But there were lots of insects buzzing around... slightly disturbing... Nature and I don't reli mix well..



The best part of this weekend? Probably laying on the couch watching Grey's....
So far i've watched 7 episodes in 2 days... Intend to watch more tonight.
This is a show with much drama & complicated relationships... It feels real.. I mean life isn't a piece of cake, so i like to watch this show becoz the characters deal with a lot of mess, and I feel for them, I can relate to them..

More than anything this weekend is giving me a chance to get rested. To heal myself spiritually b4 I go completely nuts and start embarking on a killing rampage... A few days ago I was like a elastic band being pulled so tightly on both sides, the tension was so strong that I was millimetres from snapping... Luckily i'm still here. I'm thankful.

My final exam is just one week away. But i feel confident. There's sufficient time for me to do a final revision and I promise I'm gonna rock the hell out of this exam if its the last thing I do..

So Monash watch out!

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's History

Helo. Just went through my previous post & i thought it was pretty harsh..
It was like rage out of no where.

Nevertheless I am not going to delete that post becoz I don't believe man should erase history.

History is there for a reason. Good or bad, it reminds us of what has happened, so that we learn from the past and be better in the future.

I'm fine now.
Life goes on.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

SCREAM

Have u ever had the feeling where u really wanted to scream in frustration or anguish but the moment u try to open your mouth not a single sound comes out?

Kinda like constipation... only that its not at your bowel, but at your voice box..........

Well that's what i am feeling now.
Just wanna let it all out but i can't.

dfiovbhioghanslkhvnkldfsbn;obnr;vknxczcklvnrek;gnw;LBLNBANB;LFBJMERPOJHPOrjgv

sorry... that was me beating the keyboard in frustration.

aiyo.. i am losing it. going crazy. yesterday i said 'bloody hell' in college so many times, i think i have never said that word so many times b4 in my whole life....

It's no big deal really. It has nothing to do with anyone else. The problem is just with me. Just not dealing with the stress well enough. Now i'm using this blog to vent my anger. Sorry blog. And i'm sorry you have to read this....

Yesterday had my eng trial.. It was from 4-6pm... nearly died writing continuously for 2 hours. mentally draining.. what i wrote was total crap... not enough time to construct points.... I reached home about 7.30pm due to a jam... That means i spent about 11 hours at college today... u heard me. Just torture.

NOW here's "the icing on the cake".... Tomoro i have my Chemistry trial, totally not prepared.. tons of notes to go through, and now i'm just sitting here doing nothing.

Some days i wonder why the hell i work so hard. I see some students who r so chilled, and they r happy to just pass the exam. For me, it's all about being perfect. If I get 80, i want it to be higher. If i get 90, i still want it to be higher. Then i tell myself, it's ok, it's ok, i'm doing this for the Monash scholarship in the future.... BUT then i realised, there is a HIGH chance that my score won't be high enough for the scholarship... i mean Monash set the bar freaking high, and even when i'm giving it my all, it's still not enough....
WOULDN'T that mean that i worked so hard for so long for nothing? If i don't get the scholarship, I would be in the same category as those who just passed the exam, those students who are so laid back... Only they r probably MUCH more happier than me.... At least they still have a social life, and i'm stuck no where.

Bloody hell. Nevermind. I'm still gonna work my ass off for my finals.

Sometimes I think that if u want to get excellent grades, and i mean excellent, u have to be a ice cold machine. You can't afford to have feelings. You can't afford to rest. BUT i am sorry i can't be like that, coz i believe there's a part of me that's still human.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

relatively random

sorry can't think of a suitable title that sums up this post...
nothing exciting going on lately... had to wake up early today =( to attend the scholarship ceremony in college... got a shady looking cert, but it's the $ that matters...

yesterday was quite a good day. something happened which made me feel better. It was sort of like a confirmation for me. I can read people quite well. I can tell how others feel about me by observing.
Yesterday was the fourth and final math topic test... I jeopardised my chances of keeping a near flawless record after scoring 100, 98, & 100 for the first three tests... There was 1 question in the test yesterday worth 6 marks that i couldn't solve.
OH WELL... I guess u can't be too greedy. i'm still very proud of myself after doing consistently well in assessments for all subjects! =)

It's another 2 weeks till my final exam for the semester... It's no surprise that i'm still NOT in the mood to study hard... I'm always waiting till the 11th hour.Haih... I wished I was more diligent & determined.

Haven't played tennis for quite a while... Just itching to play, but the circumstances just don't permit: rain, no court, busy, etc.... Huh............ Maybe its for the better. Been feeling tired these days, my energy level is at a low even when i'm getting enough sleep. dunno why... hope its nothing bad...

Oh... next tues Star World will be airing the new season of Grey's Anatomy. (new in M'sia I mean, not U.S.) If i'm not mistaken, its season 4. Really look forward to it. This is probably one of my all time fav show. Definitely will not miss it...

OK that's all for now.. bye =)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

watch over me

This is a new song i really like...
'Angel' - Natasha Bedingfield

Wouldn't it be cool to have a guardian angel watching over you?
How i wish i had one... =)

Embedding was disabled for this music video, so i'll put up the link instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETiQIDsH93I

Monday, October 13, 2008

Inspiration- the big T

life's pretty dull these days so i thought it would be nice to talk about something that's very close to my heart..

yup, its TENNIS. This is a sport that never stops inspiring me..
I get inspired from watching the tennis stars on TV.
I get inspired from playing tennis myself.

Tennis has taught me a lot about myself. I'm serious. Through playing tennis, I've learnt:
-To never give up. This is an understatement. If I were to elaborate on the many different situations in tennis that involve perseverance, it will take forever...

-To stay calm under pressure. Even when I'm facing break points, or if my opponent is playing really well and is totally trashing me, i tell myself to behave like a pro- To accept the situation, never freak out, and continue fighting patiently. Eventually the opportunity will come.

-To be a fierce competitor. Tennis has really brought out the competitive side of me. Usually i don't like to compete with other ppl... If u want something, u can have it, i don't mind. But when it comes to tennis, i take every point seriously, and sometimes i play as those it is a matter of life and death. I dunno what triggered this, but it JUST IS. I guess this shows u how much tennis means to me.

-To think positively. I'm not really a positive person, but during tennis, i never stop encouraging myself in between points, i urge myself to stay strong, i give myself the loud "Come On!" when i play well, i try not to get too upset or overreact if i make a mistake. I have sort of trained my mind to move on very fast. If i lose a point, i immediately walk to the back of the court, clear my head, then get back to the baseline, and be fully focused for the next point.

-To have self belief. This is probably one of the most important things. I'm not trying to be snobby or think that i'm really great, but the fact IS, I really believe that I can beat anyone on a good day. This is how my mind operates when I play a tennis match. In reality, I know I still have miles to improve and a lot of players can play better than me, but like i said, i have the self belief that i can win, and that's all that matters. After all, if you don't believe in yourself, you can NEVER win a match.

-To be disciplined. I do everything by the book. I never slack when it comes to foot work or the technique of the ground strokes. I realised that I am really obedient, I tend to follow instructions well. Haha kinda stupid but its true. I think I will make a good pet.

These are just some of the lessons i've learnt. Now for the 2nd part of my inspiration post, i will talk about the qualities of some tennis pros that i admire.
Rafael Nadal
OK, i really like Nadal. Partly becoz he's a lefty.
Actually Nadal doesn't have a huge variety of shots like Federer, BUT he can retrieve a lot of shots, and hit hard!
He's like a brick wall and plays with a lot of top spin.
He's greatest quality is probably his tough mental strength. Amazing.
Maria Sharapova
She won Wimbledon at age 17. If that's not impressive, what is?
Now she has won 3 different grand slams, only The French Open remaining.
Her story is the classic tennis pro story.
Family was poor, she had to leave her mum at a young age to learn tennis in another country in hopes of improving her family's living quality.
It is her hunger for success that appeals most to me.
You can see the desire in her eyes.
That's why i like to watch her play.
It also helps that she's physically hot!
Justine Henin
Justine was world no.1 for a steady while, but she retired early this year.
Justine had no problems playing against taller, bigger sized players despite her tiny frame.
I will remember her for trashing players like Serena & Jankovic..She had a leading head-to-head record against most top players..
I will remember her beautiful one handed backhand and her all rounded game.
She was like the female version of Federer when she was injury-free.
WOW, i've talked way tooooooo much. Time to stop. Hope this will inspire you to be better in all aspects of life!

Friday, October 10, 2008

stress?

Maybe... I dunno... This week passed by so quickly, i started off fresh after the one week break, but right now i feel exhausted & under pressure.

From next week onwards, my academic schedule is so packed! There are lots of tests and extra classes too... the time and venue for the tests and classes are always changing i'm getting confused...
Supposed to be a class for chemistry tomorrow, but was cancelled. Thank god! Who wants to go to college on a Saturday?

Its like all of a sudden the stress just piled up from no where... I'm still in a little bit of a shock, coz just last week things were so different... Its like i just stepped into a war zone.. everything is just so messed up...

Not to mention that i've been feeling sick on and off this week.... One day its a fever, the next its a flu, then its a mild fever again. Generally just tired these past 2-3 days... Been rushing to complete homework... Like i said, i'm still in shock of the sudden change...

Visited other blogs and it seems like a number of ppl hav not been feeling well this week.. Take care everyone, esp. this time of the year when exams are near. Get lots of rest, try not to let the stress get to ur head! Haha i should be telling myself that...

Right now i'm cracking my head thinking of a suitable song to upload...
How about 'Breathe'? Yup, it's a Kylie song... Quite a peaceful, relaxing one =)

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Time 2 Roll

Not supposed to be blogging now but i just can't concentrate on my work...

Feel so extremely lazy.
I've not felt like this in a long while. I guess I really enjoyed this week off, I've indulged in the holiday spirit a little too much...
All good things come to an end.

Just the thought of going back to college worries me. Well, I guess I haven't been exactly happy there... It gets a little lonely sometimes. Then there's the pressure of the year end exam that is just 1 month away.
Right now I feel messed up. Not that my life is really stressful becoz it definitely isn't... But something is wrong with me. I guess I'm still in search for the meaning of life.

The first day back after a break IS always hard to get by. But I'll survive... one way or the other.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

something to try

Hey.. my sis played this online game & recommended it to me...

Tried it out and i think u should too.

The game is called 'Amateur Surgeon' from Adult Swim...
It's F.O.C so why not?

This game is challenging and I suck at it coz I'm just so impatient.
Guess I'm not cut out to be a surgeon =P

Here's the link:
http://www.adultswim.com/games/game/index.html?game=surgeon

HAVE FUN =)

Friday, October 3, 2008

Booked!

The early bird catches the worm...

Booked my tickets at 9.45am.
Since I did it early I got pretty good seats.

Tickets are not cheap so I really have to thank my sponsor, a.k.a. my mum for being so generous!

Thanks mum!
I promise I will have a good time hehehehehehehe =)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

time flies

helo. nowadays i feel kinda addicted to blogging, even when there isn't much to blog about.

the past few days have been good... let me do a round up:

MONDAY
didn't do much... just sitting around... eating... resting... TV...
hahaha... this is what a person on holiday should do =)

TUESDAY
Sports.. Tennis + Badminton with the usual gang. plus lok mun.
everyone is improving on their tennis i need to look out, esp. yu xuan who i think has great athleticism... does he have wheels on his feet? He can pretty much do anything i can do, only better... this gives me motivation to work harder =)

WEDNESDAY
Day of chilling... Stress free.. Nuf said.

THURSDAY
S5 gathering at Pyramid... Kicked off in Red Box as usual.
Karaoke is not my thing, but everyone seemed to hav a good time, myself included.
getting the hang of this... i used to think karaoke was lame, but now i can understand why ppl like it. It's a good way to spend time with friends. U get to hav ur own room, plenty of time to sit & chat.

FRIDAY
i know Friday isn't here yet, but i can predict what i will be doing haha...

first thing in the morning: get tickets for the concert
after that: do homework... i realized there is some work which i ignored for days.
at night: a game of tennis with my sis. I think it's better to play at night coz my skin is sensitive.. spending 2 hours directly under the hot sun does me no favours.

If we look further into my future, i predict i will be spending the weekends doing homework.
Yeah, it's boring but i hav to do it... Time to get realistic again...

Nevertheless, this week of holidays has made me feel better and happier about things. Hope i can stay in this state of mind in the weeks to come! =)